Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

I am not who I was, any longer.

Thursday, February 7, 2013



The last 5 years I have been through the sort of changes most people might go through over a decade or more. It has been seriously intense and as it dawns on me just how much I have changed, I feel this weird mixture of excitement and fear.

5 years ago I was about to fall pregnant with my second child, I weighed a LOT, I was married (albeit unhappily), and Mum was beginning her cancer battle. Now I am 40 kilograms lighter, my second child is off to kinder, I am separated, Mum is well, and I am a vegan. We could be two different people. For 10 years I have been a full time mum, and letting that go and knowing this is it, is a scary feeling. What do I do with myself now??? Sure they still need me and will for a time yet, but it's not the same, independence has begun. I am the most alone I have ever been. In lots of ways. Friends are heading in different directions with pregnancies, babies, houses... I am sort of out here in the wilderness.

I see this as an exciting time, but it is unsettling and nerve wracking as well. There is a part of me that has a desperate urge to disappear for a bit. All these changes, the failed dating, the confused mind, the emotional weight of my babe heading out into the world - it's exhausted me. I have this need to shut down, switch off and hide in my cave for a while. Of course practically that's pretty much impossible.

What I have done, is book myself a night away. Just one night, but at least it's something. Some space, some time out. As an introvert, I recharge by being alone. I am never really alone for long, though I guess with real kinder hours beginning next week I will get some time. Everything feels chaotic, like a whirl of thoughts I can't quite grasp, unsettled and unstable. It's intense. I don't quite know how to handle it.

End ramble.

Farewell 2012

Monday, December 31, 2012

It seems like only yesterday I was reflecting on 2011. This year has gone super fast. It was a busy one, that's for sure.

I've lost another 27 kilograms (60 pounds) this year, a total of 40kg (88p) since my surgery. It feels amazing. I still have a belly I need to lose which will take exercise. Exercise is still my nemesis, and a psychological block exists there that needs to be broken down. Still, I've lost an entire Finn, so to give him a piggy back and realise I used to carry that all day everyday is a pretty awesome comparison. My body is under so much less stress now and there is no question I have prolonged my life by doing this. It makes it easier when food gives me grief or I am having a rough eating day.

This time 12 months ago I had long hair, 1 tattoo, no piercings other than my ears, and I weighed 27kg more. Now I have shorter hair, 2 tattoos and a nose piercing, and am lighter. I feel every day I become truer to who I am and how I express that. It's an amazing feeling.

In 2012 I worked bloody hard at self esteem and self worth. Damn hard. SO hard. I came a very long way. So many things rattled me as I was vulnerable to them but I forged ahead. Again I have a way to go but comparing now to 12 months ago I have come so far it blows my mind. I no longer have a deep seated self hatred and disgust at who I am. I like me - inside and out. And that's a massive change. Next comes self love?

I made and lost friends in 2012 and while each loss shook me (and said esteem) and rattled me and caused me to question myself, each one also cemented who I am and the reflection and self doubt led to more certainty and awareness of myself, and can only be a good thing. The friends I have are not just friends. They are ones I'd trust my life to. They are the real deal. They are more like family. I am so incredibly lucky to have them and it's something I try never to take for granted.

Speaking of family, it went a bit pear shaped this year. My brother and I, who have had a fairly rocky relationship, are no longer in any contact and haven't been since July. I miss my niece and nephew but this is a far better choice for me.

I guess my blog highlights the most impacting change I made this year in my eventual - slow but sure - progress to adopting a cruelty free lifestyle and a vegan diet. It was an on and off road, I struggled and took my time to understand some of the new food options but I was determined. It meant too much to me not to keep trying and exploring it. I am now firmly entrenched in vegan living and nothing has made me happier. It feels wonderful, and it's who I am, inside. In my day to day life, I don't know or interact with any other vegans, except online. It can be isolating at times, and can feel like no one really understands me, although they all try and are considerate of my decision. Attending events like World Vegan Day and the Carols by Barnlight at Edgars Mission were profound and exciting. Being amongst like minds felt like a relief. I could just be me, no justifications, no defensiveness, just accepted and understood. Pretty powerful stuff. I need to expose myself to more of that. The supports I have online are amazing. In fact, I suspect in 2013, things are going to expand and take off again in this area as my good friend Vik and I have so many ideas for our 2 Vegan Girls venture. I am so inspired and excited about it!

My gorgeous Great Dane Gertie came to live with me, and we had a rough year. Poor love was diagnosed with dodgy kidneys and her life span went from 8y to 2y in an instant. It hit hard. She also had 2 incidents of poisoning which scared the hell out of me, but several thousand dollars later, she's still here, and still a giant, beautiful, sook. How I adore her!

We moved house in May, and have a huge block now for kids and animals to run wild. We added rabbits to our menagerie and aside from adjusting to the dreadful cold of winter in a house with high ceilings and a wood fire, it's pretty cool. My children continue to delight me. Finn is smart and wise and hitting preteen stuff at a rapid rate, scaring the bejeesus out of me at how quickly he is growing. RJ is a wicked delight, constantly making me laugh and cringe all at once. Preparing to have both of my children out of the home for a significant portion of the week with school and kinder terrifies me. I have been a stay at home full time mum for 9 years now and this is it. No more. It's scary and makes my heart hurt a bit. I know I will adapt, but it's going to be a rough ride.

I can't close out the rehash of 2012 without mentioning the major highlight. Something happened this year that I never imagined would, that is a dream come true, quite literally. I met the most inspiring and influential musicians - my absolute hands down all time favourite band: The Tea Party. Their music changed my life, changed how I view music and what it can be in life. That they reunited was major enough, but that they came to Australia and I saw them twice, and met them - was able to shake their hands and thank them... Fuck me. That blows my mind, still. What beautiful guys they are, I am so excited to see what 2013 brings for them and for me by extension in listening to what they create. Nothing topped that moment. It was amazing! Telling the guy on the door "no, not a competition winner, JB put my name down..." Nothing cooler. Nothing.

So, what of 2013? I feel like the critical thing to work on next year the same way I tackled esteem this year is laziness. No more having ideas but avoiding actioning them. Write. Create. Move. I know I can do this! No more getting in my own way. Exploring more veganism issues, studying again, and continuing to blossom into the truest Kelly I can be feels exciting. Let's go!

Happy 2013 to you and yours xx



Vegan Parenting

Friday, November 23, 2012

Am finding this a super interesting though and topic lately. Having again cut dairy as well as eggs and meat, I find it strange that I still provide all these items to my children. Why? Well, I also provide chocolate and treats sometimes whilst knowing they aren't good for them. All in moderation, so forget that - but having omnivore children means I am buying and cooking meat. As a vegan, that is confronting and challenging, but the alternative is demanding my children be vegan, despite having allowed them to develop a taste for meat whilst I was eating it as well. Just because I have change my mind and beliefs, doesn't mean I force them to, right?

Or does it? It's really a grey area, I think. I guess where I sit on it, is that my role is to provide options and information. I don't sugar coat what the are eating. It's dead animal flesh. They know that. I have had a few talks with my 9 year old about it, and he asked why dairy if it doesn't kill the animal and I explained veal and separation of mother and baby etc. He was horrified, but struggles because he enjoys the taste of these things. I reassure him that is okay, after all, it took me 34 years to reach that place. He is 9, in time, maybe. I want my kids to make their own informed choices, but I don't want to force it on them anymore than I'd force a religion or even atheism on them. It's their choice to make.

Is that controversial? Maybe, but it works for us.


Happy Birthday, me.

Friday, November 16, 2012

So, it's my birthday. I'm 35. I wasn't feeling good about turning 35, it just felt like I'd reached a crest and am now on the other side. From youngish to Middle Aged. Closer ever closer to the big four-oh. But, it sure beats the alternative. If I'm not aging I'm dead!

When I think about my life and look at the bigger picture, there's so much to be grateful for. There's so much to love about being me. I challenge myself endlessly for self growth and am making some pretty awesome leaps and bounds. Physically and mentally I'm a different person to the me of 12 months ago and I'm really proud of that.

I spend my life in the company of the most amazing friends anyone could imagine. The people in my life are not just people to pass time with or good mates. They are inspiring. They are real. They care about me and they cheer me on. They cry with me they celebrate with me and they genuinely care about my life and my happiness. I'm so lucky to have so many of those people in my life. It's overwhelming. I'm so grateful. From all over the world, my friends make my life so special every single day.

And my children. Who couldn't feel good about a life with these two in it?! My reserved, smart, sensitive, son who feels things so deeply and just wants to please. My funny, feisty, happy sunshine daughter who makes me giggle daily. So different to one another but so bloody amazing. They're my life. They're my reason. I'd do all the hard painful parts of my life over and over if it meant they are mine. I'm incredibly lucky to have them.

I've a friendship strengthened by blood bond with my mum and sister that fills me with a deep sense of belonging and happiness that comes from knowing I'm understood. Truly understood. I talk to mum every single day. She knows all my secrets and loves me completely. Nothing tops that feeling.

I have things I believe in passionately. Causes, creative ventures, things that make my soul sing and hum. I vibrate with life. I'm happy. I'm 35.


My nest is emptying a little

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I'm scared. There. I've said it. Scared may even be an understatement. Here's the backstory - I tried for almost 3 years to conceive my son. Eventually, I did so, and he is my precious firstborn. He's now 9, and in grade 3, time is flying by at a pace I cannot keep up with. We started trying for a second child when he was just 6 months old, knowing how long it had taken to get him, and aware the same challenge may present itself. In fact, it was worse. It took five long, pain filled years, rounds of clomid, of artificial inseminations, of giving up altogether, then of IVF and finally, finally, my beautiful daughter was conceived and came into this world. She is turning 4 next month. You know what that means, right?

It means next year she is off to kindergarten. 15 hours a week there, before beginning school in 2014. And I... I can hardly bear to think of it. That sounds dramatic, but you must understand how longed for my babies were. How much I have valued every second that slips past faster than I can grab onto it. How much I enjoy their company. When RJ was just two months old, my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. That first year of her life was a blur of chemo, surgeries, and fear. Not to mention the masters thesis that I had to write and submit. Mum is now three years cancer free, my masters is completed, and my baby girl is about to start leaving the nest.

I don't know how to prepare myself for this. Just thinking about it makes tears well up on my eyes and my heart pound. I know I am overreacting and I know I will adjust. God help me when they leave home. I am going back to school next year, so that will help me stay busy while she is gone. I have the Two Vegan Girls project to invest myself in. I just know I will feel like I am missing a limb when my little sidekick is no longer here beside me, permanently. It will be okay... right?? :(


Retrospective guest blog!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Nothing like missing ones own guest blogging post. Oops! Back in September would you believe, I guest blogged for the fabulous Veggie Mama! http://www.theveggiemama.com/2012/09/guest-post-veggie-mama-vs-omnivore.html I love Stacey's recipes. They are vego without being tasteless or - god help me - all insanely healthy and raw. Taste, not missing out on yums, that's what I am all about. She has the lot. Love her stuff.


A giggle

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Was reading this library book to my 3 year old yesterday, and came across this page. Maybe it's just my dirty mind, but I was in hysterics! A friend suggested it was 50 shades of Shrek, lol. Certainly a tricky one to read out loud without dissolving into fits of immature giggles.


Deliciousness

Monday, October 1, 2012

Before I move on, in reference to my last post - obviously we lost hope and the worst outcome became reality. Everyone has been affected by the story, and it's certainly left me feeling less safe on a night out. I hope her killer is brought to justice, swiftly.

Moving on, I'm back to another food post.

My wonton soup was ahhhhmayyyzing. I'll be making that again for sure. So delicious. And vegan! Less successful was my made from scratch Rogan Josh curry, which was just slightly bitter, and I can't pinpoint which ingredient was the culprit for it. The satay was quite good though, I also made the curry paste for that from scratch too. My Chickpea, feta and marinated vegetable salad - looked divine, tasted too vinegary. The marinade (bought) was too strong for my liking. Asparagus, broccoli and cheese pasta and Italian Suppli were winners (vego not vegan, had cheese). The most surprising win was the tofu kebabs. I don't really do tofu, but in the homemade BBQ sauce, caramelised up... so tasty! Would absolutely eat again and a great protein source to boot.


My rogan josh curry paste. home made! Toasted my own spices and all!


The rogan josh curry


chickpea, feta and marinated vegetable salad. looks better than it tasted.


Wonton Soup 


Italian suppli


BBQ Tofu and fried rice 

I also had great success with my vegan cheese experiment. It was s tasty and so cheeselike, I may be able to give it up and go full vegan yet. I have hope, finally!


My 9 year old wanted to cook dinner one night this week, so I let him choose what he wanted to make. He chose pizzas so we got some passes, some pizza sauce, and various toppings. He made ham and cheese for himself and his sister, and he made me a delish onion and mushroom one. So tasty, he did such a good job of doing all the cutting and using the hot oven and so on. I reckon we'll keep this up...


A good friend (Megan over at Living a Truly Blessed Life) sent me a recipe for vego sausage rolls. I was curious, because they really looked the part, so I gave them a go. They had a slight hint of oatiness to them (rolled oats was a big ingredient) but omg they were yummy and the texture was absolutely sausage rolly. But not scary meat! Even the 9yo gave them the thumbs up and declared them better than the ones from the shop (ie meat ones) he didnt even realise they were vego. WINNING.



I went to my sisters for lunch this week. She put on the BEST vegetarian lunch spread. I wanted to eat ALL THE THINGS. She had lentil burgers, chickpea and spinach sausages, falafel, salads, wraps, cheeses, antipasto... it was amazing. She sent me home with leftovers which went down a freakin treat. I really loved how much of an effort she made to make me something so delicious and so vegetarian. It was really special.

I seem to be getting a few repeat meals in rotation now which is good, means I've found meals I am seriously enjoying. Added in as new experiments this week are a tomato and cheese risotto, vego fajitas and for Grand Final day BBQ I did the most delicious mushroom and halloumi kebabs, corn on the cob with herb butter, and fried ravioli with fresh hommus. Far out it was good. I love food!




Harry Potter party

Saturday, August 18, 2012

So the boy asked for a Harry Potter themed party for his 9th birthday. The internet is a trove of ideas for such an event and I nabbed some fab ideas from all over the place and set about making them into a reality. I started several weeks before the event and pottered about making fel ties, bertie botts boxes and wands long in advance. The party went off without a hitch, and there were some very happy wizards about the place.


Yes I made butter beer. It was like a spider, sooo good!


The sorting hat sorted each kid (thank you iphone app!)

The entry to the party! I made this using an old sheet, a square sponge and some brick colored paint. Nothing flash but looked effective.


A collection of creepy things! On the end are wands made using dowel and hot glue gun and paint. Each has a tag stating what it is made of (eg elm with phoenix feather), felt Hogwarts house ties, and gross things... Bloodworms, hippogriff gizards, blind cat eyes, gillyweed etc (spaghetti in tomato sauce, smoked oysters, cocktail onions, weeds in green water!)




The polyjuice potion and Elixir Of Life bottles were filled with water for those not wanting butter beer. My funky broomstick is a Martha Stewart knock off!





Finn made the Wizard Collector cards to go with these himself!

I wrapped truffles in gold foil and attached white wings to each for snitches. So cool!


These were chocolate coated licorice sticks, dipped in melted white chocolate then sprinkles.


Wizard hat cupcakes.

Cheeseymite scrolls.


Hogwarts house cupcake tower

Each child took home their wand, one of these fabulous cookies from Crumbs of Yum, a spellbook and a Bertie Botts box of beans. 


It really was a fantastic success and a lot of fun!







Happy 9th Finn xx

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


I was just reading an old journal of mine...

They lifted him straight onto my tummy and I burst into tears and just said "my darling boy.. oh my god..." and then i said "it IS a boy isnt it?!" It was and Josh cut the cord. Josh and i just looked at each other and at this squeaky little creature. They suctioned a bit of fluid from his mouth and he crid a bit but my god... he was just beautiful. Looking up at us.. words cant describe how i felt at that moment. So happy and in love and relieved and thrilled. All of that and more. We were in awe completely...

Who would believe that was nine years ago today? 9 YEARS. It has gone so fast. This child of mine, he is amazing. He is sensitive, sweet, kind and so generous. He is smart and funny, and he has the most divine heart. He could change this world. The world is so much better off for having him in it. I cannot believe he is mine, that I am responsible for such an amazing child. I don't know how. I take no credit, it's just who he is.

Before him, I was just me, just Kelly. After, I became Mama. A whole new element to my being, and one I cherish every single day. As he gets older, we relate in new ways. We still have that closely connected almost freakish bond, but instead of it being purely emotion based, he can now articulate things, and it takes on an even cooler dimension.

He is a lot like his dad, in nature, and in personality. For example he is mad on Dr Who and Star Wars. I totally claim the Harry Potter obsession, though! He is great at maths and can read something stellar. I cannot imagine where he will end up someday, all I know is the world is his oyster. He can easily do anything he wants to. His talents are so broad.

I absolutely adore him, my darling mooey. Proud doesn't begin to describe it. So much love on your birthday moo, I love you. ALWAYS. No matter what.


Partyin. Wizard style.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Finn wants a Harry Potter party this year. I dare you to google 'harry potter party' and see how many hits you get. And for many of those hits, the work, effort, time and money involved has been INSANE. It's a touch stressful, but inspiring too. I've already spent too much money at spotlight on crafty stuff (one has to make wands and house ties and fancy invites and such after all). There are still 6 weeks to go. Today the hot glue gun I got (I know, me, a hot glue gun - it's so funny!) is getting a work out. I had NO idea how one worked but I seem to have figured it out. Then J took it off me and he's doing it. We're making wands. As you do. Hot glue on dowel makes patterns, then painted and distressed a bit and voila. Mega cool. I'm even gonna attach cards saying what each wands is made from (e.g. vinewood and dragon heartstring). YES I AM.

I KNOW - I am the coolest Mum evah.

I am even making butterbeer. For real. Non alcoholic though I may slip rum in my own... And various other Harry themed foods (snitch truffles wrapped in gold foil and with feathers stuck on, herbology crudites etc.)

I am even planning to make these cool floating candles - battery powered tea lights in the ends of empty loo rolls, hung with fishing wire. SO COOL. I even found a template for Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans to whip up. Should keep me us busy over the school hols anyways.

Anyway, must go, am up to my elbows in Gryffindor ties.

How did I get to vegan??

Friday, April 27, 2012

So, what is MY story? What made me decide to eschew meat and instead maintain a plant based diet? Well, it's recent and at the same time, it started long ago. On a basic level, I've always loved animals. What child doesn't, I suppose? They're in our stories, they're on our television programs, cartoons, and we're taught to treat our pets with love and respect.

When I was 10, our family moved to the country. My parents bought a small farm, and we had chickens, ducks, cows, and had inherited an ancient sheep from the previous owners. We had 30 acres on which to enjoy these animals, and my responsibility, one of my chores, was to feed and water the chickens, and collect their eggs. They were free range, and I remember going to get the first lot of chickens we kept from a battery farm. My parents saved them from their cages, and we took them home to a lovely big yard, and paddocks beyond that they could roam during the day. I recall them not really knowing how to walk. After being crammed in cages likely since birth, they didn't know how to use their legs. They lifted them and took a long time to set them down again, unsure what process to take to walk. I guess it was one of the first moments I had that I truly felt and thought about farming practices?

I also recall that any time I found a chicken dead - almost always just a result of old age or the elements,  would scream a blood curdling cry as though I were being murdered. I remember getting told off for scaring my poor mum with such cries, but I would be devastated and cry and cry for the poor chickens end. Interestingly, I don't really remember when 'Lady' the sheep died. She was so old and so stubborn but quite lovely. Hand fed and happy to be petted she was a funny old thing. Very much the pet.

You can see how farm life, and pet life sort of intermingled for me. It was never strict farming, yet they were never complete pets either. I recall our neighbour, very much the farmer, coming to show my dad how to cut the heads off chickens. I remember how the chickens ran around without their heads. I remember, for some reason I can't recall, handling severed ducks feet. Just the feet. I remember watching them castrate the calves - how they'd just throw them down, slice open their testicles, and then pour disinfectant straight on and send them running again, blood running down their legs. I remember the mother cows, bellowing for calves sent to market. Separated. I never handled these things well. I always got TOO upset. Almost to the point of frustrating and upsetting my folks for being overly dramatic. I never accepted it. I still ate meat, it was our way of life. We always had and it never crossed my mind not to, until the day they slaughtered one of our cows, and filled our freezer. I remember them serving it up, that slightly different smell that fresh meat has as compared to the supermarket processed variety. And I remember saying.. "you want us to eat Molly??" And refusing. I remember the frustration of my parents. They didn't force me to, but I don't think they were too impressed that I refused my meal, either.

Still, I never tried being vegetarian. Once off the farm it was a case of out of sight out of mind to a degree. And habit. So I ate meat. And cheese. And milk. And eggs. All of it. And often.

I would say it has only been in the last two years that this has become the focus of my life again. I credit that to my friend, Christie, from America. We struck up a friendship, and she is a strict vegan, and a creative foodie, so often our conversations turned to food, and her reasons for eating vegan and I learned more about vegan cooking and she inspired me to try some recipes. Christie, her boyfriend Brent, and their friend Melissa, run one of my favorite vegan food blogs, Turning Veganese. I love seeing what they come up with, cursing it when I can't find the ingredients in Australia, cheering loudly when I replicate their success.

She got me thinking, and mid way through last year, I decided to cut meat from my diet entirely. I couldn't bring myself to remove cheese and dairy, however, but I ate vegetarian. I felt great, I lost weight, and it was really something that felt true to who I am, at the core of my being. I still couldn't imagine life without chocolate, though, despite a dear friend, Vik, sending me vegan chocolate to try (and my enjoyment of it!) I then had gastric sleeve surgery, because I felt that despite the 6kg I lost eating vegetarian, I was still dangerously overweight and years of trying to lose the weight had not found success. This operation would. Post op, I slowly reintroduced foods through liquids, mushies, and eventually solids and a normal diet. Because protein was so important in recovery, and because my knowledge of easily accessible protein was meat meat meat, dairy dairy dairy, I resumed eating those foods again. It was the lazy way to ensure I met my protein requirements with a new smaller stomach.

A month or so ago, I began to look into veganism with renewed interest. I spoke at length with my friend, Vik, who is vegan and who directed me to endless fantastic resources, films, articles, information... The more I read, the more it made sense to me. For animals, for the environment, and for my health. Vik made some suggestions for replacement cheeses (I do so love cheese, it is the thing most difficult for me) and I decided to try some new recipes. Vegan recipes. Soon after, I began my 2 week vegan challenge. I am a n00bie vegan, for sure. I am still feeling my way. I am still finding my resources and informing myself. I am having a lovely time with cooking and creativity and new foods in the kitchen. I feel happier and more settled in life in general. This is right for me. This is true to me.

My son, who is 8, often remarks that he doesn't want to eat animals, and that he wants to be vegetarian, but that he loves the taste of meat. I explained that it's okay. It took me 34 years to be ready, and he would come to it in his own time if it is right for him. At the same time, I offer meat alternatives every day, and allow him to take them up as he wants to. Sometimes he does. We had a great discussion about how vegan is different to vegetarianism. He wondered why I don't eat dairy, if it isn't killing the cows. I explained about mothers and babies being separated. I saw the light of identification and empathy in his eyes and the sadness on his face. I like being able to give him information to make informed choices. Maybe some day... :)

So that's my lot. I feel like all the pieces of a life long puzzle are snapping into place and that this is being cemented. I feel committed to this now. It's my truth.

The fear of the future

Wednesday, April 18, 2012



My 3 year old daughter asked me to read Cinderella to her the other day. I did, and it was a very very abridged short flip book. It was fine, she liked it and asked to put her princess dress on, which she did with a crown and was thrilled to bits.

But as she left the room, she pointed to her book and said, "I wish I had yellow hair. I need yellow hair. I wish I was her." And I almost fainted. I think I died a little inside. And I have not stopped panicking since. At three, she is already wanting to be someone else? Some other representation of 'beautiful' ?? What the hell? And how on earth do I begin to convey that she is far more beautiful than Cinderella or any other princess. She's just perfect already, with her honey brown hair. She is already beautiful.

And how much worse is it going to get if she is saying this at 3???? Will she want to be someone horrid and terrifying like Rihanna or Gaga? God. I feel compelled to make sure I keep filling her life with strong female role models of ever kind. Smart, strong, independent, women.

Where do I start? Help me - who are your favorite role models for young girls these days???

Hectic chaos is great!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Life is busy, and I am loving that. For too long I have watched life go by but from the sidelines. I think it might be an energy level thing, but now I am really getting out there.

I've been on dates, I've been taking the kids places, I've organised Italian lessons and dog training for my new pup (due to arrive Feb 23). I have lego kits, art kits and books piled up to read. I am writing again. I am exercising more and feeling great.

I can't fit a gym time or exercise time in easily, because I have the kids until late and from early. I can use the rowing machine, but it stirs my sore shoulder so I am trying to walk more. It's a good one for my hips and tummy anyway, so I need to fit that in more. perhaps late evening I can swing it more.

So anyway, life is crazy busy, school goes back next week so that might help a routine settle but I am enjoying the chaos. Life is short! Live it!


Jan & Feb resolutions

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Remember here and here I talked about my resolutions for each month and what I wanted to aim for? So far, so good.

For January, I took a weekend away for the kids, and had a blast. We went to the movies, swimming, a magic show and lots of shopping. Was such a nice time! We went to the cinema again later that week, and Finn starts movie school for a week this week. I would say that is a big fat ACHIEVED for that item.

I also wanted to keep a gratitude journal, and every night I enter about 5 sentences per day about what happened that day that made me happy or challenged me or that made me feel good. It's such a good way to be in the moment and appreciate the smaller things and I truly believe that is the secret to happiness.

Next month I start my Italian lessons for 6 weeks. I am so looking forward to it - not just for the beautiful language and the thrill of learning, but also because it means I get to be in the city which I love, and one of besties that lives in the city and I are going to catch up for lunch as often as we can manage. I don't see as much of her as I want to, so I am so excited about that part of it as well.

I also organised tackled something else on my secondary list for February as intended. I bought some art kits. I want to learn to paint, so I got an acrylics set and a charcoal drawing set on the way. I have zero artistic talent. Minus talent, even. But I think I'll enjoy it even if it looks crap. So, that excites me as well.

I've challenged myself personally this month as well, in terms of relationships, and it has been difficult, but true to myself and that's only ever a good thing. Add to this the 19kg of weight I have lost and the nose ring I have gained and I feel excited about the person I am becoming.

2012 feels good. I am finding myself fast and it's incredibly exciting.


This months resolutions

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Following on from my last post, I've implemented some things for this month. I am writing every night in my gratitude/happiness journal. It's great because it makes me stop and enjoy the little things and the smaller moments. That is where I find my happiness.

I also made some plans for the wee ones. We have tickets to a magic show, and we are going to spend a night in the city and have some adventures. Maybe the city circle tram, maybe vic market, maybe the aquarium. Not sure. Anyone have good ideas for kids and Melbourne town?

I am also having a ball with Fat Mum Slim's photo a day challenge. It's only page 3 of 366 in chapter 2012, but I am enjoying it. Look for my post on the weekend with all of my photos from this week.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year

Monday, December 26, 2011

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done...
Another year over... A new one just begun.

Or, almost. Merry Christmas, friends. Talk about a time for reflection. Moreso than at any other time of the year, we seem to reflect on where we are at around Christmas and the end of the year. I have a lot to think about this year. My heart, my mind and my body have all been through the ringer this year. It has been a real challenge. It was not an easy year, but I feel really excited about the future. Ever since my op, I desperately wanted to make it to Christmas Day. I was so scared I'd have a complication and not be here for it. To have made it through is a massive relief and exciting for me. I was there for RJs birthday, Finns end of school year celebrations, and Christmas. Phew.

For Christmas, Finn asked that we stay home for the day, rather than go and see family and we agreed. It was the best decision, it really was. For the family, and for me personally. We spent Christmas Eve with my family, and it was fun - but hot and tiring. Christmas Day was spent with the kids playing with their toys, eating yummy (and sparse!) food and enjoying time together. That and Wii Sing It Downunder. LOVE.

2012 is going to be an interesting year. I go into it having lost 17kg since October, and I feel great. I still have some niggles that need to settle, but my adventure is beginning. I am curious to see where I am this time next year. I hope I can fit another overseas trip in, and I want to write (though my PhD proposal was rejected for the marks I got when RJ was newborn and Mum was having chemo for cancer, bit unfair but such is life!) If New Years Eve came, and we started 2011 over, would you do the same things again? I have to say that most of it, I would. I'd sure as hell still see NYC! I'd still have this operation. I'd still have worked madly on getting my head straight.

I am grateful for so much.

I am grateful for amazing friends who always have my back, who love me unconditionally, and who support and encourage me every single day. I am grateful for my beautiful children who are healthy, happy, and who want for nothing. They are creative, funny, and smart and so loving. I am grateful for my health, and for knowing it will keep improving as I shed kilos. I am grateful for my family, their support and love. I have so much hope for the future, I have spent a lot of this year thinking about happiness, how t get more, how to be more content and I feel like it is working. I still have my battles to fight, don't we all? But I have come a long way and I know I can keep learning and improving in the years to come. Thats what life is all about. :)

Merry Christmas, and a happy 2012 to you and yours xx


Happy 3rd Birthday, Rory-Jane.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011



Miss RJ!!!

How on earth did this happen?! How did you get to be 3?! Ah. You are freaking awesome, you know that? You are such a funny girl, you have everyone in hysterics all the time with your personality. You got mad at your Nan recently, so you approached her with your fists up ready to fight!!! She roared laughing which totally killed your cranky.

You love taking Finn to karate and copying the exercises and shouting "ICH NI SAN SHI GO" as though you are part of the class. You have to be 4 before you can start, a long wait for you no doubt. You do love dancing classes, and recently had your first concert where you danced on stage like a trooper and demanded "want to do again!" for days afterwards. You can be a princess, insisting I paint your toenails when I do mine, dressing up in flouncy dresses and playing with your dolls, and in the next moment you are wrestling Finn or your dad and playing in the dirt.

I often think about the years we spent trying to fall pregnant. I truly reached a point where I thought it'd never happen. It wasn't to be, and that was that. I love that I am stubborn enough to have kept at it until it worked. I am SO glad, words can't describe it. You were worth every second and more. You look soooo like the little girl in my dream when I was trying to fall pregnant, the little girl who told me not to give up trying for her. It's eerie.

You are a bit of a couch potato. Love your DVDs and boy do you love your food! You have taken to calling your favorite person of the moment your "best friend" and it's a title of honour. "Best friend, Mama" you say hugging me and I melt. "Best friend, Finn!" or "Best friend, Jeffrey" (to the cats horror usually!) You and Finn still adore one another and you call him 'Ma' (Mine) less and less, and Finn more and more.

The animals are your best mates, you throw yourself at them and you are quite happy to endure being scratched for a moment of love. You make me so happy. Even when you are a ratbag and god knows you test me in a way Finn never did. Far feistier, far more independent, far more determined. You are like me. And I don't care how much it might bug me as your parent, i LOVE that you have those qualities.

Oh my beewee girl... I adore you. I wohwoo. Always & Forever, Mama xxx

Catch up

Monday, December 12, 2011



What a busy week that was!!!

Firstly, we went to The Wiggles concert last Sunday the 4th, which was RJ heaven. She was able to briefly meet Murray when she handed him roses for Dorothy which made her day. It was a good day but geez they're starting to age.. Yikes. Anyway, we had fun and I survived my first big post op outing. Yay!

On Tuesday, Finn had his keyboard open day, a mini concert where he played a solo, and also got a solo in the group song all of his own, since he taught himself the latter part of the song that no one else knows. So proud. He really has got some amazing skills now, and is playing brilliantly.



On Wednesday we had RJs ballet concert which was absolutely adorable. Kids of all ages performed but the 2 year olds were just especially cute. She loved it and kept saying she wanted to do it again. She has since been showing off her ballet moves to all and sundry at school. Made for the stage this kid. So beautiful!



On Thursday I went to see the dietician and found I've lost a total of 16.3kg now, I am going great guns and am able to go from liquids to mushy foods (trickier than it sounds, most foods still feel too much for me). It's nice to have choice in my diet again, even a small choice. It'll be a long month or so to get back to a normal diet though.

Friday I had to get one of my incision wounds checked, its a bit iffy, but nothing to worry about which was a relief. This weekend we celebrated RJ and Js birthdays since their actual birthdays fall on Tuesday, and no one is around! We have another very hectic week ahead. I will be glad to hit Xmas and fall in a heap I can tell you! Sheesh!