Farewell 2012

It seems like only yesterday I was reflecting on 2011. This year has gone super fast. It was a busy one, that's for sure.

I've lost another 27 kilograms (60 pounds) this year, a total of 40kg (88p) since my surgery. It feels amazing. I still have a belly I need to lose which will take exercise. Exercise is still my nemesis, and a psychological block exists there that needs to be broken down. Still, I've lost an entire Finn, so to give him a piggy back and realise I used to carry that all day everyday is a pretty awesome comparison. My body is under so much less stress now and there is no question I have prolonged my life by doing this. It makes it easier when food gives me grief or I am having a rough eating day.

This time 12 months ago I had long hair, 1 tattoo, no piercings other than my ears, and I weighed 27kg more. Now I have shorter hair, 2 tattoos and a nose piercing, and am lighter. I feel every day I become truer to who I am and how I express that. It's an amazing feeling.

In 2012 I worked bloody hard at self esteem and self worth. Damn hard. SO hard. I came a very long way. So many things rattled me as I was vulnerable to them but I forged ahead. Again I have a way to go but comparing now to 12 months ago I have come so far it blows my mind. I no longer have a deep seated self hatred and disgust at who I am. I like me - inside and out. And that's a massive change. Next comes self love?

I made and lost friends in 2012 and while each loss shook me (and said esteem) and rattled me and caused me to question myself, each one also cemented who I am and the reflection and self doubt led to more certainty and awareness of myself, and can only be a good thing. The friends I have are not just friends. They are ones I'd trust my life to. They are the real deal. They are more like family. I am so incredibly lucky to have them and it's something I try never to take for granted.

Speaking of family, it went a bit pear shaped this year. My brother and I, who have had a fairly rocky relationship, are no longer in any contact and haven't been since July. I miss my niece and nephew but this is a far better choice for me.

I guess my blog highlights the most impacting change I made this year in my eventual - slow but sure - progress to adopting a cruelty free lifestyle and a vegan diet. It was an on and off road, I struggled and took my time to understand some of the new food options but I was determined. It meant too much to me not to keep trying and exploring it. I am now firmly entrenched in vegan living and nothing has made me happier. It feels wonderful, and it's who I am, inside. In my day to day life, I don't know or interact with any other vegans, except online. It can be isolating at times, and can feel like no one really understands me, although they all try and are considerate of my decision. Attending events like World Vegan Day and the Carols by Barnlight at Edgars Mission were profound and exciting. Being amongst like minds felt like a relief. I could just be me, no justifications, no defensiveness, just accepted and understood. Pretty powerful stuff. I need to expose myself to more of that. The supports I have online are amazing. In fact, I suspect in 2013, things are going to expand and take off again in this area as my good friend Vik and I have so many ideas for our 2 Vegan Girls venture. I am so inspired and excited about it!

My gorgeous Great Dane Gertie came to live with me, and we had a rough year. Poor love was diagnosed with dodgy kidneys and her life span went from 8y to 2y in an instant. It hit hard. She also had 2 incidents of poisoning which scared the hell out of me, but several thousand dollars later, she's still here, and still a giant, beautiful, sook. How I adore her!

We moved house in May, and have a huge block now for kids and animals to run wild. We added rabbits to our menagerie and aside from adjusting to the dreadful cold of winter in a house with high ceilings and a wood fire, it's pretty cool. My children continue to delight me. Finn is smart and wise and hitting preteen stuff at a rapid rate, scaring the bejeesus out of me at how quickly he is growing. RJ is a wicked delight, constantly making me laugh and cringe all at once. Preparing to have both of my children out of the home for a significant portion of the week with school and kinder terrifies me. I have been a stay at home full time mum for 9 years now and this is it. No more. It's scary and makes my heart hurt a bit. I know I will adapt, but it's going to be a rough ride.

I can't close out the rehash of 2012 without mentioning the major highlight. Something happened this year that I never imagined would, that is a dream come true, quite literally. I met the most inspiring and influential musicians - my absolute hands down all time favourite band: The Tea Party. Their music changed my life, changed how I view music and what it can be in life. That they reunited was major enough, but that they came to Australia and I saw them twice, and met them - was able to shake their hands and thank them... Fuck me. That blows my mind, still. What beautiful guys they are, I am so excited to see what 2013 brings for them and for me by extension in listening to what they create. Nothing topped that moment. It was amazing! Telling the guy on the door "no, not a competition winner, JB put my name down..." Nothing cooler. Nothing.

So, what of 2013? I feel like the critical thing to work on next year the same way I tackled esteem this year is laziness. No more having ideas but avoiding actioning them. Write. Create. Move. I know I can do this! No more getting in my own way. Exploring more veganism issues, studying again, and continuing to blossom into the truest Kelly I can be feels exciting. Let's go!

Happy 2013 to you and yours xx

When dreams come true

How corny is that title?! Ha! I don't have much of a bucket list, but this is something I have always longed for and dreamed of. This weekend it happened!

What do you say to people who have impacted your life through their music? What do you say to a band that taught you that music doesn't just sound good, or feel nice to move to, but can permeate your entire being and touch your soul? How do you handle that? I didn't say anything I wanted to. Nothing like that. I was too nervous, and I only had a few minutes. But those few minutes... Shaking their hands, getting a photo and autographs - they'll be memories cherished.

The soundcheck that followed was fascinating. To see and hear what goes on, to watch the skill that goes on beyond instruments and voices, it was really a cool thing to see. They sounded tight and I knew I was gonna be in for an amazing show. Goosebumps!

Seven years since I last saw them, seven years break that they had. I thought I'd never experience their live show again but last night I did and they didn't disappoint. If anything, they were even stronger than ever before. This is the first concert I ever attended alone. That was a weird feeling but it enabled me to totally let go and enjoy myself uninhibited. Except for when I was forced to be. For an acoustic song, the crowd sat down. I stayed on my feet - I wanted to dance and enjoy! A bouncer came and told me sit down or get out. I argued and said I'd paid for it, I'd waited for it, and I wanted to enjoy it. He spoke over the top of me and said you either sit down or you get out. I said that I wasn't sure the band would be thrilled that he was forcing fans to sit and inhibit and threatening them like this. He said it wasn't about the band. Um. Wut? Anyway, he wouldn't listen and just spoke over me repeating I could either sit or leave. I sat the rest of the night. Actually felt a bit embarrassed and stupid and given what had gone on that day and this week, ended up crying a little. Thankfully, I continued to lose myself in JB's beats, and in the music and I let it all go. I liken it to feeling like an empty vessel being filled with the music and boy did I need it.

It was also interesting to see the band perform in terms of seeing their different personalities. After the first song or two, I thought that Stuart was going to do a backflip, he looked so stoked to be back, he was really feeling it and it was tangible. That was very cool. Jeff Martin was, well, he's good and he's talented, but he's a bit scary I reckon. He gets feisty at the people off stage sometimes, I guess he values what he's doing and wants it at its best, makes sense. Jeff Burrows is amazing. He seems to me, to be the fun of the group, he's the one getting the audience on their feet, kissing JM and goofing off. But I know too, how generous a heart he has. I know how much time and effort he gives to charity, and to people who he can help out in any way, and he values the fans - I have so much respect for him. Always have had.

I can only hope that after the experience they had themselves last night, that they continue to feel the passion and the renewed vigor for The Tea Party that we fans do, and we see a lot more of them in the future. Bring that shit on.

Some pics of my meet and greet, soundcheck and the gig follow. Well they would, but blogger won't let me. Bastards. Will do a follow up photo post soon.

The Tea Party - Intimate gig

I've mentioned The Tea Party a few times on this blog. They are the band that taught me what music can do. What it should do. Before them, I liked music and it was great, but hearing them showed me that music can actually move you. I'm sure you've heard people say that before but have you ever really felt it?  I don't mean "wow, good song, I can move to this" - I mean, my eyes are closed and I don't know where I am because this music consumes me, hits my soul, and literally transports me to another plane. That's what these guys do. THAT is what musicians can do, what true, raw talent can do.

On April 26th, I was lucky enough to score a guest list spot for an intimate, unadvertised promo gig at the Cherry Bar in Melbourne. Just a handful of contest winners, friends, and associated press and so on were in the bar for a fantastic performance of just a few songs to whet the appetite for the bands upcoming tour in July.

You must understand that this band broke up. I thought I would never see them again live and they move me like nothing else ever has so to be in amongst this group, hearing that music again absolutely melted my soul. I closed my eyes and I could not stop smiling. They're back. I almost wept with joy!

Below are links to two performances from that night. You can hear the talent, you can see the skill and you can envy we few who were lucky enough to be there! Next month, the band kick off their Reformation Tour in Melbourne and you can bet your arse I will be there. I only wish I were rich enough to fly around Australia for each and every gig to make the most of the opportunity!! Do yourself a favor, get yourself some tickets. They're also promoting a live double album that they will record whilst out there. You can score a download and some awesome extra items by pledging to help them make it (and to donate to the Steve Hoffman Fund for Cancer Research. Vinyl people! VINYL!

Now listen and be moved...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WgUBXGKnM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtuAERdBpcU

Lyrical tattoos

My favorites From http://tattoosong.tumblr.com/

Speak to me now,

And the world will crumble.

Open a door,

And the moon will fall.

All of your life,

All your memories,

Go to your dreams,

Forget it all.

- “Death Whispered a Lullaby” by Opeth

Float on by Modest Mouse

my favorite line is “even if things get heavy we’ll all float on”

“we all deserve something”

the very last line in “I Can Barely Breathe” by Manchester Orchestra

I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved 

Regina Spektor - Hero

How strange it is to be anything at all. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

http://youtu.be/LMZoiatUQJE 

It makes me wonder, what would mine be? Would have to be from The Tea Party. And from one of 2 songs that changed my life. Soulbreaking or Psychopomp. Now I want more ink. 

"You can't stand to not be afraid"

or

"In the face of the fire

You see angels conspire"

OR

"A frozen sun,

Will guide you there

As shadows hide

The deep despair"

More ttp

Sorry, I need more about this song, its just that good.

if fate holds a purpose
you feel fate will lend a hand
it saves face deserts you
it deals grace from underhand
and every time the past's awakened
every time your soul starts breaking

you can't stand the distance
you can't stand to not be afraid
you won't show resistance
you can't seem to run away
because every time the past's awakened
every time your soul starts breaking

in the face of the fire
you see angels conspire
will they hear you desires
will they stop your soulbreaking
could they stop your soulbreaking

you won't say you're hurting
you still dream in the undertow
just a safe place a haven
just a kind face just to overthrow
every time the past's awakened
every time your soul starts breaking

in the face of the fire
you see angels conspire
will they hear your desires
will the stop your soulbreaking
could they stop your soulbreaking
will they stop your soulbreaking
could they stop your soulbreaking
please love

every time the past's awakened
every time my soul starts breaking

Music that moves

I've always liked music, ever since I was a little girl standing up in church at the age of about 4 screaming "Turn me loose!" at the top of my lungs, music has always made me happy. I never really played (playing skip to the lou and other daggy songs with the even daggier primary school principal on guitar and belting out some god knows what tune on a tenahorn also primary school = uninspiring and so not cool).

Of course as a teenager, music played a big role in my life from teenybopper boy bands (woot, new kids!) through to tunes that got me over many a broken heart, and the obligatory angry tunes... there is always something to fit what you feel right? Music is wonderful that way.

It wasn't really until I was an adult though, that I found music that actually moved me. The really sort of connected with my soul. This was not just music I liked or enjoyed or thought was clever etc. This was something I had not ever experienced, nor truly believed existed! I guess that kind of thing would be individual. One womans moving music is anothers grating screech perhaps.

When I discovered the tea party, I discovered music that blew me away. A few of theirs in particular, stir emotions deep inside every single time I hear them. Psychopomp has this sad undertone of desperation and pain to me; Save Me is like an intense yearning, and Soulbreaking just clicks into something inside me that nothing else has ever discovered. And that is just a start, there are many more.

Was I devastated when they split up? Sure, I think I all but cried! But theres still all those albums that exist already, that have so much more left to explore on them, even after hundreds of listens. I think I was more pissed off. Jeff Martin, heretofore a bit of a hero of mine, fell from grace in a bad way, and I don't think I have ever quite forgiven him. I am sure his heart bleeds. I've not really listened to his solo stuff, even though I have it. I just think now... hes a bit of a jerk really. And that influences how the music feels to me - even the ttp stuff if I let it.

I am positively champing at the bit though, to hear what The Art Decay has to offer. Yeah Jeff could write and had that mystic thing going, his voice was soulful - but so much of what the ttp is and was to me, is in the work of Jeff and Stuart. I cannot wait to see what the two conjure up between them now.

Funny how life changes... aka I am getting old.

Written 31 May 2007

So, I got an email from Captain Feathersword yesterday, as one does. Announcing the Wiggles tour for the end of the year, as per tradition. The boy and I have gone the last 2 years and loved it and he will love it again this year. Tickets aren't on sale for a while yet, but I called my brother and SIL to see if they wanted to take their 1 year old this year with us. They will have another babe by then, so she will stay home with babe and my brother and I will take the kids to The Wiggles.

What is amusing about this is that in the past, it was always my brother who I would go with to see The Tea Party when they were in Australia. It seems very odd and funny to think we have gone from hanging out for TTP tickets and rocking on to that, to taking the kids to see The Wiggles and joining in a rousing chorus of "toot toot chugga chugga."

I feel old! Where did my youth go? To think that the only live act I will see this year is the Wiggles! I mean, sure, credit where due, the guys can dance the cold spaghetti like no one else; but the chances of catching a drumstick or choking on the hair of the mosher in front of me are far slimmer. It wasn't THAT long ago that I saw Tool, TTP and a bunch of others in the same year. And yet here I am. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

It's a Wiggly fiesta indeed.

The Tea Party, holidays and why they dont mix! PART 2!

Written 20 December 2006

Ok, so I am home... And yes, I took the laptop, and yes, I sat in the motel room at 130pm Monday and bidded til I won my sticks. Am over the moon!!!! (And a touch pathetic for doing so!)

:D

The Tea Party, holidays and why they dont mix!

Written 15 December 2006

Ok, so the wonderful Jeff Burrows, ex the tea party, has announced and listed his final, EVER, charity auction on ebay, for the Transition to Betterness charity. Ebay Auction List

You can read about the Transition to Betterness Charity by clicking here. and about the Jeff Burrows auctions and work he has done for them right here.

What this means is that fans like me, can buy rare memorabilia, have it personalised and signed etc.. This is the 10th and final haul of goodies and it has some amazing stuff amongst it. I am drooling... now international shipping, and popular items means it could be an expensive exercise, but so worth it... not just to myself for the precious items, but because the charity is one worth donating to. Items include platinum record awards, rare CDs, drums, posters, clothing etc.

I have my heart set on many items, some I could win, some well out of my budget! The problem is this, J has t go away for work this weekend, back to the seaside place we lived for almost 10 years, where we met, had our son... and I haven't been back for 2 years.. this is a work funded trip, and the 3 of us are going. We'd be mad not to. I would love to catch up with old friends and do some beach adventures with the boy, where he was born.

Of course, we are going from Sun-Tues, and when does the charity auction end? Monday afternoon. I could cry!!!! :( All I can do is enter a max bid on a couple of items and hope for the best. Problem being, I wanted to see them all end and bid where I could afford to, to me, its not actually so much what the item is, but that its TTP rare stuff... So I could end up with a bunch I shouldn't really afford, or nothing... and as I said, this is the last of these auctions. How frustrating!!!!