Farewell Chapter

Friday, April 8, 2011

Last night, J and I decided what we wanted to do with our remaining frosty babe. When we had the IVF cycle for RJ, we had a lower grade embryo frozen at the same time. 3 years on this month from falling pregnant, we have made a decision on what to do with that embryo. Neither of us want more children, I know that I am done, but finalising that decision was surprisingly painful. I was not expecting that. This decision was what I knew it would be. So it surprised me that I felt sad. Closing a definite door on more children is a difficult decision for most women, I think. Infertile or otherwise.

I guess too, when you've lived in the infertility world for so many years, and fought a vicious battle to get the children you have, it seems terrifying to let a possibility go. I cannot bring myself to donate the embryo to another couple. It would be a full blooded sibling to my two, and I'd find that really difficult. In all honesty, I'd be surprised if it survives thaw anyway, let alone takes when transferred. I don't want to throw it away, though, either. J and I decided we would donate it to science. In this way, I feel I am still helping couples facing infertility. Still making a difference, albeit a tiny one.

No more babies. Deep down, I am okay with this, but it still caused some grief, I still cried last night. Today, I'll make the phone call and set it in motion. What a strange feeling it is. I'm so grateful to science for enabling me to have RJ, I hope this gives something back.


Loz said...

What a decision to make. I applaud your decision to donate your embryo to science.. That would have been a tough call to make. take care xx

Erin said...

I cannot begin to imagine how hard that was for you beautiful girl. I am sending you all the hugs I can muster xox You are an inspiration.

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