Soundtrack of my life

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I stole this from Avitable's blog. Needed a little light relief and decided this would do me perfectly. You can read his answers here.

Here are the rules:

1. Open your music library (iPod, iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every stage of life, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new stage, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…

Waking Up: Don't stop The Music (Rihanna)
First Day at School: There's your trouble (Dixie Chicks)
Falling In Love: Coming Up Roses (Elliott Smith)
Fight Song: Trapped (The Living End)
Breaking Up: Jaded (Green Day)
Prom: The Dolphin's Cry (Live)
Life: Still (Foofighters)
Mental Breakdown: Oh Comely (Neutral Milk Hotel)
Driving: Audrey, Start the Revolution (Anberlin)
Flashback: Someone that you're with (Nickelback)
Wedding: As Heaven is Wide (Garbage)
Birth of Child: Every Breath You Take (Police)
Final Battle: Spiderwebs (No Doubt)
Death Scene: Sing (The Classic Crime)
Funeral Song: The Pharisee (Of Former Fame)
End Credit: Rip It Up (Jet)

Happy 1st Birthday, baby girl.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

6 years ago, I started trying to conceive you, my second child. My RJ.

5 years ago, I had a dream. I was talking to a 5 or 6 year old girl in my kitchen, she was my daughter. She was telling me not to give up trying to conceive her, because if I did she would never exist, and that just could not be allowed to happen. She was so cute, fair honey brown hair, blue eyes... I assured her I'd hang on. I had renewed hope. It was you.

4 years ago, I was wilting. I was scared and I was hurting. I was angry. Infertility is soul crushing.

3 years ago I had given up. I accepted you were but a dream. I killed the dream and it broke my heart. I felt I had let you down, but I had nothing left to give anymore. Then hope whispered try again. Courage came.

2 years ago, I failed IVF #1. It hurt. I threw myself into Christmas. I denied the terrifying fear that you would never come, yet again.

12 months ago tomorrow, you came hurtling into the world in the back of an ambulance. Drama queen! Life has been dramatic since. Yet you are an utter delight. You are like sunshine, or bubbles. My heart swells every time I even look at you. That squished up face when you smile your cheesiest grin, melts me instantly. Your :-O face cracks me up endlessly. You're daring and brave, and feisty and funny. So much personality. Your blue eyes are full of emotion, your hair is fair honey brown - you already resemble that child from my dream. You are utterly amazing. I am so freaking proud you're mine. Your adoration and love for your big brother is outweighed only by his for you.

I get teary thinking about how close I was to quitting on getting you. 5 goddamn years Janey girl! I am so incredibly bloody glad I stuck at it. So glad I was a determined, stubborn, bitter, angry, pain in the arse, because it got me you. I can't imagine life without you now. You're all I dreamed of and more. And my love for you is immeasurable. You're perfect.

You were so worth that wait. Worth every tear, every heartache, every pain, every hell. You. Were. Worth. It. ALL.

Your very first birthday, I hope it delights you. I have so many wishes for you my beewee. I hope you dream big. I hope you love hard. I hope you take risks. I hope you believe in the wonder that is you.

Happy Birthday, baby girl. I luboo.

BFL wk 13 picks

Friday, December 11, 2009

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland
New Orleans vs. Atlanta
Green Bay vs. Chicago
Denver vs. Indianapolis
Buffalo vs. Kansas City
Cincinnati vs. Minnesota
Carolina vs. New England
New York Jets vs. Tampa Bay
Miami vs. Jacksonville
Detroit vs. Baltimore
Seattle vs. Houston
St. Louis vs. Tennessee
Washington vs. Oakland
San Diego vs. Dallas
Philadelphia vs. New York Giants

Monday Night
Arizona vs. San Francisco

Tie breaker: 49

Last time I played I got 13, my best ever by about 12. ha! No, but by at least 6 or more! Kudos to the secret weapon!!

F bear's 2009 end year school report

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

As expected, the kid is smart. Uber smart!!!

He excels in Maths, Reading/Comprehension/Writing, and Science. He lags slightly in P.E. His effort and behaviour in every class was rated very good or excellent. Can't ask for more than that!

It will be interesting seeing him transition now from Montessori to state school. Freaked out about the decision a bit. Seeing so much potential in this school report, I hope that he continues to thrive equally well. I intend to make sure he is supported at home as much as possible in doing so.

He is reading waaaay above average. Years above, literally, according to the VELS scale. Ditto maths. I can support the reading back to front, blindfolded and inside out. The maths though!? I don't do maths. I hate maths. This will prove challenging. I know there are books I can get, fun sticker, activity books, still... Eek.

Science is his current avid interest. According to his report, he is especially interested in zoology. Life cycles, habitats, features etc of all kinds of animals and insects and so on. Coooool. Mini beasts.

He is also very interested in physics, and geography, especially social geography. So disappointed I can't take him to the U.S. with me. :(

Suggestions including getting him to map a trip we are doing, board games, adding various denominations to $1.00, give him a faux $ amount to spend and some catalogues and let him choose things to buy that will equal the allocated amount.

Also, more art and craft, more reading and discussion of the books he reads, more talking about various cultures and customs, more at home yoga (!), more physical activities (get him into a regular after hours activity), more kneading, plasticine, and juicing oranges (!) to improve his hand muscles.

The best bit, was his music report. ROFLOL. He is at the higher end of average (a decent music program at the bloody school would have helped... grr) but it says he chose drums for his compositions, and is very familiar with percussion stuff. How you can help your child for this area? Suggestions: offer opportunities for him to learn an instrument (check!), continue to provide recorded or live music listening experiences in a range of musical styles (check!), "if the opportunity arises, attending local performances or concerts can offer memorable moments (checked so hard! Woot! GREEN DAY ON MONDAY!)

So, I'm not a bogan parent. The monty school TOLD me to take him!!! HA!

So freaking proud of my boy. The potential is enormous. Because of the zoology and geography interests and the current science kick (thank you, Sid the Science Kid!) we will make some trips over the holidays to the museum, scienceworks, zoo and so forth.

Any more ideas for fostering this amazing brain, please share them. Places, activities, things that will further help him reach the potential. which at the moment, seems totally uncapped. I am excited for him!

My baby girl is turning One...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

In ten days, my little RJ is turning one! It is cliched to talk about time flying, but what a year, it certainly has passed in the blink of an eye.

My dramatic birth story, which I have been thinking about this week, can be read here. So dramatic, so very RJ. The world MUST stop for her, always. She is spoiled rotten by her big brother, too. He dotes on her endlessly and is always indulging her. It is a pattern I see continuing in years to come. She adores him back - the way she says Finn is to make a pffffff sound with her lips. Shes trying to get the F right! And now she is at an age where they can interact, honestly, it makes my heart skip when I see them playing together and laughing at one another, there is nothing like it on this earth. Just gorgeous.

Her latest trick of furniture cruising is doing my head in, because she gets up, and can't work out how to get back down so stands and whinges endlessly. Really hoping that trick is learned ASAP. Argh!

The year has passed so fast, between the masters, a newborn and cancer, it was like blinking. Part of me feels really guilty that I missed a lot of her year mentally, I was not as focused on it as I was on Finn's because I was under a lot of stress. I am still heartbroken I only fed for 4 months, when my goal was longer than I had Finn (10m). I am sad that whilst I still enjoyed it and cherished small moments, it was not as I envisaged. And when I had longed for this for 6 years, through infertility hell and back, I feel a little ripped.

Perspective lands heavily, though, and I am grateful that Mum is healthy again (another all clear from the oncologist yesterday!) and that I HAVE my baby girl at all. That is truly all that matters, and I will enjoy her second year completely.

I was thinking about the 5 years we tried to conceive her, the 12 months we gave up altogether, the dream of her as a 5 year old, that had inspired me before that, the invasive treatments of IUI and IVF, the heartbreak, the soul destroying hell that is infertility. The determination. And here she is. Finally. As I write this, she is standing next to me (sobbing because she again doesn't know how to get back down!) but she is gorgeous. I am told she is like me, I call her the new improved version. She is utterly beautiful. The biggest eyes, of the deepest blue - so blue they sometimes appear violet - that melt me completely. Her hair, swept to the side with a clip is getting fairer all the time. She is tiny, but boy has she packed a personality into that vessel! Feisty and she lets you know what she does and does not want with no room for doubt (sounding familiar?) She knows "cuddle" and gives them generously. Ditto those slobbery, open-mouthed, baby kisses. She says Dadda, tucker, mama and Fffffff. Her world is summed up in those 4 words!

She is everything I dreamed of and more. My beautiful Rory-Jane, keep up that feisty, and keep up the cuddles to balance it! I promise to make the next year a special one for all of us. Bringing the happy. I love you, baby girl. Happy (early) Birthday!