Family politics

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I'm feeling frustrated, sad, and confused about family politics this week. In August, my brother canceled on coming to Finn's birthday the night before it. I was upset, and deliberately didn't go to my brothers 30th the next weekend. Then, come RJ's bday, he calls again, the night before again, and cancels. I got angry and yelled at him. Said his niece and nephew were worth far more than he gives them and it isn't fair, and that I want nothing to do with him anymore. Christmas Day we didn't utter a single word to one another.

I listened to the way he talked to Mum. She had told me he barely called her when she had cancer and was sick from chemotherapy. I was furious about it all. So I emailed him and let rip. No reply. He apparently contacted her and asked if she did feel that way, and she said she had.

Now tomorrow is Mums birthday, she and my sister and possibly Mums twin sister are going out for lunch. Sister in law has invited herself along. What do I do?? I don't want to risk confrontation and ruin it for Mum. I don't want to not go and disappoint her with my absence. I feel stuck. Are all family events doomed now? I don't want to suck it up and peacekeep when I feel so strongly about all this. No doubt many people live and deal with family politics. How do you make it work? What would you do, in my shoes?


Karyn said...

You go because its your Mum and that is what is important! Just be nice to your sister in law and rise above it for the day. If it makes you feel better I have to do the same thing with my stepmom on Saturday, so not looking forward to it!

xo, Karyn

Anonymous said...

I'd also go. It's not about you (and I mean that in the most loving way), it's your Mum's birthday and it's about her. Hold your tongue, be pleasant to your sister-in-law (who may also not agree with your brother's reasons for cancelling), and make a time to say your bit (again in need be) to your brother.

You will go for your Mum, I know you will, but that doesn't mean you swallow your hurt, it just means you direct it at the right person.

Mrs J said...

What they said ^^^^

But also, your brother deserved to be called out for his behaviour. It's not fair to ditch your kids' birthdays, I'm sure he'd be upset if you did the same thing to his (assuming he has them)

Good on you Kell xo

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