Bit of a ramble

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Today I seem to be thinking a lot of the friend I lost recently. It has been almost 3 months now, the first month was weird and sad, then things improved a bit and today I feel sad again. Its because I had another dream about him last night. Just after he died, I had two really weird dreams about him. He had come to spend time with me/us (my sister and mum too) and always had to "return" to death I guess? at the end of the dream. The second one we just sort of hung out and chatted and spent time together. It was so good, because we had not done that in years which made the way I felt about losing him weird. I felt like I shouldn't be grieving someone I had not spent time with in a number of years. I felt stupid for it. But, he was someone I admired and respected a lot (again snort at my choice of words because our initial relationship was based on hatred!!)

Argh. this really is a ramble. All out of order!

When we first met, he and his brother and mates used to give me a hard time at school and i HATED them. Then when I was about 16, my sister became good friends with him, and I came home from school to find this bully in my house. Imagine how that went down!!! But god, he not only made up for it, he went the other direction. I remember he wrote me a long apology letter, and during my final couple of years of high school, he was like an older brother to me, at the same parties etc. Stirring me, but in a good natured way, and looking out for me.

Anyway, given I moved away after high school, I didn't see him much, but my sister did, and Mum was friends with his Mum, and often updated me on his latest. I was always interested in hearing about him, I cared about him. He was a cheeky bugger, funny, and a bit of a ratbag. I really did think of him as an older brother figure. Anyway in that second dream I had not long after the funeral where we spent time together I thanked him in the dream, for taking the time to do that for me, and said it had meant a lot to me and he said he was privileged to be able to do it. I dunno what that means, after life privileges?! I don't even believe in an afterlife, so it was weird. But comforting, and sad too. Because I missed him more.

Last night I had another dream, nothing much different. Less poignant, more normal. But today, I miss him again. And I just wanted to ramble a bit, and think about him, and remember him. :(

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