Operation Eleanor

Friday, November 2, 2012

So, a friend of mine Undomestic Diva, last year started a challenge for the month of November: Do one thing every day that scares you. It's back on again this year. Inspired by Eleanor Roosevelt, this challenge is both simple and terrifying. Really. How willing are you, to step outside your comfort zone? It's hard. It's really, really, hard. But it's also incredibly rewarding in a way that you can't imagine until you do it.

It takes a lot of courage. But I am going for it again. November is the month of being brave. Let's go. November 1, I saw a post on facebook, a winery I once stayed at and loved was asking for staff. I was terrified. I haven't worked since being a SAHM to my kids, but this suited and so I thought 'be brave, have courage' and I called them. So I am going in on Saturday to talk it through.

Nov 2, something that has been on my mind for a few days nagging at me, kept pushing. It was then I read Undomestic Diva's post, and it gave me the courage to go from thinking to doing. You know, all my life i have put 110% into my relationships. I give so much more than I get. That's okay, if only I were getting just half of that back. I've been giving so much to another relationship recently, and it's just not coming back. I keep being pushed away, and even friendship is a big ask. When I left my husband and again when I had weight loss surgery - these were enormous decisions that basically came from saying, you know what? I deserve more. I am worth more. I believe in me. I can say unequivocally, that this recognition came from the edge. The very edge of believing I was worth nothing at all. Somehow, I found something to believe in in myself, and so I made those hard choices. What would it say now, if I were to ignore my worth again? It would all be for nothing. I don't want all that pain and hard work to have been for nothing. So, I stood up again, gave my inner self a big hug and said "I believe you deserve more" and I said as much to this guy. It was hard, because the insecure me - which is most of me - is scared. What if? And being alone, is horrible. But is only vaguely being with someone any better, truly? Especially if I feel undervalued and unappreciated? If he's not even sure he wants to be with me? Deep down, I think so, but it hurts. It hurts a lot. Do one thing every day that makes you afraid.

Op Eleanor is amazing. If you join, there's a twitter hashtag to follow - #OpEleanor, and you can follow Undomestic Diva and read along with her blog as well. Maybe just taking the leap to say "I'm going to do this' is your first scary thing?

1 comment:

Undomestic Diva said...

Glad to have you along for the adventure. xo

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