You never stop being a parent

Monday, October 26, 2009

You know when you are 15, and you want to go out to a great party, but your parents kill your buzz and either don't let you, or set so many rules it's almost not worth it...

I'm 32 next month, and I seem to still be suffering that whole feeling of not meeting the expectations of my parents. Not making the decisions that they want me to. Letting them down by making choices they think are wrong for me.

At some point, they should realise that I know me better than they know me now. Right? I think that is not looking likely.

So, they're not happy with my US trip. I guess I knew it would be the case, but it hurts and it makes me angry. Why would you not support your childrens dreams and excitement? Why would you feel it necessary to say you think it is the wrong thing to do? Why can you not maybe think something, but not have to verbalise it?

The reasoning was not even sound, it made no sense, it contradicted itself, and it seemed hollow. So why does it bother me? There is no way it will change my mind, I am determined, and so long as J and I are happy with it, then how is it anyone elses business???

You know what, when Mum was going through treatment and wanted to avoid certain tests and even at one stage, her final chemo dose, I supported her. I disagreed, and was worried and upset about her decision, but I supported her because I felt she knew best and would do it anyway so I might as well be there for her. I am really disappointed she can't afford me the same respect.

It's taken the gloss and buzz off something that should have been exciting and wonderful and happy. That is really unfair. I am angry and upset. They have 4 months to get used to the idea and to be supportive. I will not let them ruin this for me, I will live my own life. I am an individual as well as a wife and mother and I have every right to pursue my own dreams. I can't see how it can be anything but good for me. It is not even 2 weeks away from home for goodness sake. This is crazy!!!

Right. Rant over. Where was I? Pass the San Fran guidebook please!


-A said...

This sounds just like my mom. I've got my best friend convinced to drive over with me for a couple nights but we have to find an excuse for going to the bay area. Because meeting a Twitter friend? Yeah, not likely to go well. I'm 24 but don't see how that'd be different in a few years. I'm super excited you're coming and leaning towards coming over the last weekend you're here, and I'm glad your husband supports you completely.

Mama Speak said...

My mom does the same thing 2 me. I had my epiphany about it when I was signing the papers on my 1st home (alone). They were w/me in case I needed a co-signer (I didn't). She had a panic attack & told me "I couldn't do it!" I finally told her she'd have 2 leave if she cudn't be positve. That shut her up. I think it's jealousy & fear. U'r doing something she wished she'd done. And u'r going 2 expose that her reasons 4 not doing it don't really exist. Hang in there & try 2 remember this is about u not her, even if she can't.

Vicki said...

It DOES hurt when they do that! All I can say is go, enjoy and come back and go ner lol

Maura said...

My mom is a worrywart and she worries about most anything I do. BUT she knows that she can't talk me out of something I want to do, even though she can't help but express her worries. We've come to a place where we just know that we're going to disagree on things and try not to cause bad feelings.

In this case, I think it's definitely about her and her fears, not you. I hope she comes around.

Marisa said...

:-( Why doesn't she want you to go?

FeistyKel said...

Thanks all. Lots of good points, I think she will come around and if not, then I am quite happy with my decision - I honestly have not a single hesitation that it is the right thing and a good thing for me to do! That's really all that matters. Approval as such, would be nice, but its not essential. I think there must be more gong on than she has said for her, she might not even be aware of it, because it is all a little odd to me at the moment. Regardless, I have had nothing but support and excitement from everyone else in my life so I am going with that!! Thanks guys.

Mike/KD6FTR said...

I don't understand why parents do this. I am one and I find myself saying and doing things with my three that frustrates them AND me too!

Where in California are you going to visit? I live at the very southern end of the SF Bay Area and there are many things to do throughout the whole Bay Area.

The Joneses said...

My father has never truly praised me for anything I've achieved in life other than losing weight. It has taken nearly 35yrs for me to start accepting that I will never win his approval. Live your own life, ignore other people's fears because it's really about them, not about you.

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