Resolutions and Getting a life.

I've been thinking lately, that my life seems sort of empty. That sounds awful. I don't mean empty exactly, just... quiet? I rely on other people too much and I need to find things to fulfil myself. I need to fill life with hobbies and interests, I think. It's scary. I'm not sure I have the confidence to do it. I found this great blog with a good tip on how to start. Here it is -


List 20 activities that you have enjoyed over the last ten years. For example, going to the seaside, having friends over for dinner, walking in the country.
List 10 activities that you do not do, but think you would like to pursue.


Make yourself a promise now to do one activity from each list in the next month. Write down what you will have to do to fit in these two new activities.
Developing new interests requires a positive approach. Even if things do not work out, you need to be able to tell yourself, “It’s not a failure because I’ve learned something”.


Research has shown that if we have no hobbies or interests to absorb and challenge us, we tend to get stressed, depressed, discouraged, and bored. If we are not careful, a vicious circle can develop in which the less we do, the more miserable we feel, and as we become more unhappy we are less willing to take risks and take up new activities.


1. Taking the kids out
2. Seeing musicals
3. Learning a language
4. Seeing friends
5. Writing
6. Holidays close to home
7. Travel overseas
8. Nights out with friends
9. Cooking
10. Movies
11. Study
12. Self awareness and improvement
13. Working
14. Beauty therapies (mani, pedi, massage)
15. Gaming
16. Shopping
17. Live music
18. Bushwalking
19. Lego
20. Reading


1. Painting
2. Acting
3. Horseriding
4. Boxing gym
5. Darkroom photography
6. Gratitude journal
7. Dog training
8. Meditation workshop
9. Book club
10. Vegetable garden

For January I am going to start a gratitude journal, all that requires is 5 minutes each evening before bed, and I already have this great journal for the purpose. From my other list, I am going to take the kids out. It's school holidays, they will be going insane and so will I. We went to the zoo not long ago, and scienceworks as well, so I think I need to find something new for them. Perhaps Werribee Zoo.

For February I will be starting my Italian lessons, and from list B, I'm going to pursue growing vegetables myself. Tomatoes, cucumbers... Yum. Here goes nothing... :)

A leaf falls...

I went out for dinner last weekend, for a best friends birthday. It was a really nice night, good company, good food, and lots of laughs. What struck me, though, was how odd it felt that there were 3 couples, and me. It felt very lonely, despite being surrounded by people. I tried to imagine when I ever take someone along to meet my friends, how it will feel, what it will be like. It's a hopeful feeling, but it gets scary sometimes, feeling this alone. I love this poem by Cummings, it's so beautiful, in so many ways. Pure, beautiful, art. It makes me feel a little less alone.

l(a

le
af
fa
ll

s)
one
l

iness


- E.E. Cummings.

Being alone

This week, I have been confronted greatly by the issue of my loneliness. Sometimes, I like being alone, it recharges me - I am introverted in this way. But it is that deeper sense of being alone, that I struggle with. Not being able to share the details of your day with someone intimate, to get a hug when you're feeling down. Having someone to share the day with, to touch in passing, sleeping alone... And I guess that is just the relationship part. The lonely goes deeper than that. It's even just missing adult conversation. It's a fear too. Sort of hard to explain and I am not doing a great job of it. It's an ache, it hurts, and it's scary. Most of the time, I am okay, and in the past month or so, I have been coping better. I fill my days with the kids and my weekends with friends and outings. It doesn't solve that underlying sense of being alone, but it gives me hope, it makes me happy, and I can cope again. It's been a long road, but I think I am making progress. It's hard to tell, some days.

I came across this youtube clip this week. It was timely, and it's really beautiful. I am inspired to push on in my journey...