Pregnancy stuff.

Thank you for the comments on my last post, I am sure each of you is right. Jaydee, I wonder WHEN that click over happens... I keep waiting for it! Kirsten, it is interesting you mention about ART and PND. I have always felt the two must have a close relationship, it just makes sense to me in many ways. I feel this time I am more likely to have AND and be depressed in the pregnancy, the after is what I am hanging out for. The pregnancy bit is just scary. Belinda, that is it exactly - waiting for something to go wrong and why? Because it always did with infertility. Even with the IVF our results were crappy in and of themselves in terms of egg viability etc... So I have come to expect things going wrong!

For example, I have started feeling very light and vague movements, not always certain its not a muscle twitch, but pretty sure most times. So after a particularly active day for babe Monday, it was very quiet Tuesday. I freaked right out. I spent all day and half the night (literally, until 3am) pushing and prodding my stomach, playing loud music to my stomach, desperate for ANY thing. My tum felt softer than usual, so babe was clearly at the back, but despite all logic, I just could not relax and accept it was okay. I cried for hours. Luckily, I had a scheduled doctors visit the next day (yesterday) and the doppler found a heartbeat almost immediately - of course. But even then, there was a little voice in my mind making what ifs (was it really the baby's heartbeat or something else...) I am sending myself insane.

Monday is our big deal 19w scan. Of course, another point for anxiety. In fact, I think thats why I freaked out the other night because I KNEW that the doppler was coming out the next day and Monday is scan day, and so knowing there were checkpoints ahead brings out the anxieties. So I am sure logically, Monday will probably go okay, but that doesn't seem to ease my fears. I have to try very hard to reign them in as best I can. Imagine if it goes well, I could actually almost begin to enjoy this! :O

I can feel my excitement building, I keep putting a lid on it though, I have to stop that. Finn certainly liked hearing the heartbeat yesterday, he was excited enough for all of us, bless!