Life long dreams

What is your life long dream? Something you have always wanted, for as long as you can remember. That has eluded you either with time or money constraints, or just life getting in the way? What thing do you yearn for? What is it that time and time again you come back to wanting and researching and dreaming of?

For me, it has always been Italy. I think it started as a small child. I had Italian neighbours, and we learned Italian language at school. That planted the seed. Then over time, my yearning to see Rome increased. In 2002, I got a job as a nanny in Italy, and booked a flight, ordered my passport... And then I found out I was pregnant with Finn and cancelled the lot. Twice more since then, I have planned trips. I made bookings and all. I never seem to follow it through.

There is yet another chance that it may eventuate soon. I might get there sooner than I anticipated. I hope like hell this comes through. Keep positive thoughts headed my way that it all falls into place this time...

Setting goals

Way back in 2008, before IVF brought me my darling RJ, I had some goals. I called it my post IVF dream-scape. I think it is time to revist those.

Travel remains a high priority. I have made progress on this, certainly, and intend to add Europe as soon as possible.

Writing also needs more work. I have progressed, but I need to commit to it regularly. Like a job, I can't just do it when the mood strikes (or it won't get done).

Returning to language lessons. this is still a strong desire. Italian, or French? Italian is my love (and likely my next travel destination) but Finn is learning French so that'd be cool, too. Thoughts?

Post grad study... I was doing teaching. I'm considering deferring for a bit whilst I decide what I want to do for sure.

Cameras - I have mums old DSLR which is pretty awesome. It has a crack on the lens, though, which in certain lights, puts a smudge on photos.

I could totally do the dark room thing in this house. There is a funny cupboard under the stairs that would be perfect, though it's not ventilated, I am certain it is workable. This is something to investigate ASAP. I would LOVE to develop photos of my own!

Added to this list is spending more time with the kids and with my friends. This makes me happy.

The post IVF dream-scape

Not that I am being negative, but I am beginning to think about life after IVF, this could be whether it is successful or not. I feel that having plans and dreams in the works will help when that time comes, particularly should it not be successful.

So, things I want to further pursue when I have my own time, money and resources back again:

* More writing, independent of uni deadlines - pure self motivation and determination!

* Consideration of still more post grad study (librarianship)

* Travel, starting within Australia, then heading abroad

* Return to Italian lessons

* Invest in good cameras both digital and film

* Create my own dark room and develop my own stuff - a lost art!


It is certainly a very rich life to envisage, an exciting one at that. I don't feel like giving up on the IVF at all, I am coping well and quite happy to see out our commitment of this year, but after that, I think I will be ready to move on and put all that behind us for good.

Such is life

I hate being sick, its so depressing. Whats so hard about curing the common cold anyway? Come ON scientist type people. Bah.

Also, most people know I cancelled Italy, very happy with the decision, no regrets, only confirmations that it was right. I refunded Lea her deposit since it was my decision, even though I couldn't really afford to - it was the right thing to do. We're having a mini holiday in Tassie as a family in November, and then a week on the gold coast next March (ish). Looking forward to both!!

I think I will stay in bed today and sleep. ugh. Sore throat, tired, stuffy head... I HATE BEING SICK!!!!!!!!


ETA: It seems a disclaimer is needed. Please be aware at no time did Leanne ASK for a deposit or guilt me into giving it back, it was what I felt was right. It is obvious, I would think, that no one can easily afford to throw away $250 let alone a total of $500, but again, I felt it was the fair thing to do. Some have said a portion was fair, or a booking is made knowing stuff can happen, but this was what I decided, and my offer, because it felt like the right thing to do. I hope this is now ABUNDANTLY clear?! Good!

Me? A shit of a kid?! Pfft.

So, have you forgiven me yet? I confessed, after all, so you have to give me kudos for that right? Least I got most of you commenting, sheesh, throw a dog a bone sometimes!! Some of you feel sorry for my Mum... Poor old Mum. She has a patience level that is really high, so high in fact, that it became my duty - as elected by my siblings* - to be the child to test how high it actually went. When I was 17, I was a nightmare of a teenager. I was hanging out to leave home, and get some freedom, felt so cramped... so I pushed those limits effectively and found they are not actually infinite. She does have a level at which patience runs out! Not so superhuman after all eh Ma?! teehee. Poor Mum, she threw a plate when it ran out. Smashed it on the kitchen floor. Was met by "Oh yeah, real mature Mum" from my sneering 17 year old face which must have made her want to empty the entire china cabinet. How we are best of mates these days is anyones guess! :D

After I wrote up the last entry, Mum and J both said "Geez I wonder where Adrian is these days?" So I googled him, and google knows all! Turns out he is a very successful short film and commercial director. So I sent him an email and have been in hysterics ever since. The memories the two of us have been dredging up are fantastic! He recalls things I have no recollection of.

He swears I went through a phase of drinking hot water from a thermos. What the!? Who DOES that?! Man, I was a little freak. I reminded him of the time we all broke into a house across the vacant lot, and found guns in there (which, come to think of it, may well have been pretend). He doesn't remember that (but this could be a ploy to escape prosecution if ever our 9 year old selves are identified). I confessed that the kidnap attempt was entirely false too, and he was both horrified and amused...

Some pretty funny memories about school too (we went to the same primary school til we moved away when I was 10). It was living next door to Adrian and his beautiful Italian family, along with learning the language at school, that first planted the seed of love for Italy with me. The amazing food, the rhythmic language that sounded musical to my child ears... its no wonder.

Oh the laughs I am having now at our hijinks! We wanted a dog, so we made Adrian help us make posters and we walked around the front yard chanting "we want a dog! we want a dog!" til my parents (tearing their hair out no doubt) acquiesced.

I was somewhat naughty as a teenager too, but as Leanne and I have discussed, most teens are, its just that I was stupid enough to get caught... I am not telling those stories though! :P Fun times as a kid with Adrian though, I hope Finn has a neighbour or a friend that he gets up to mischief with soon. Only, not quite the same level as his mother, preferably. That would really be too karmic.


*I may or may not have made that part up.

Arrivaderci Roma!

Written 20 March 2007

I am going to Italy. Woot!!! Finally, I am going "home" (as much as an Aussie with Irish heritage can go home to Italy...) Spiritually home?

Just a very short trip with a friend, and still a loooong 6 months away. But the passion! The excitement! Buon Viaggia me!

Farewell 2006, Hellooooo 07!

Written 3 January 2007

2006 was good and bad for us, mostly good I think. Personally, it was a year of a lot of grieving for me, but I think I have made progress, and I feel good about the future for the 3 of us.

We moved yet again, weird circumstances, super stressful, but turned out to be absolutely perfect. Perfect house, perfect town, closer to the folks, and perfect school for our son. Fell into place amazing well, very much meant to be and we are incredibly happy here.

I spent a year studying italian and loved every second of it, though to become fluent would take a hell of a lot longer. I have a much better understanding than before, particularly reading comprehension, I loved studying the language!

J and I loooved watching the soccer world cup and seeing the aussies do so well, it was so exciting, many a late night and early morning screaming and jumping up and down was had! I still say we were robbed... ;)

The commonwealth games were held here in Melbourne.. turned out to be fairly low key, though I am still wondering what the hell the point of the duck was in the opening ceremony.

Our beloved Sydney Swans made the grand final second year running but we lost this one by ONE point. Heartbreaking but also exciting to watch.

We also watched with interest and baited breath when the 2 miners were trapped in the Tassie mine for 2 weeks, 1km underground. Terrifying, but they made it, remember watching that at 6am or so when they made it out, was such a relief for me as a stranger watching, imagine he families and their own. Amazing!

We went on holidays to Philip Island, was all about the F-man though, he was spoilt rotten and had a ball. As it was again in December when we had xmas parties, wiggles concerts and presents galore, and then a weekend back in Warrnambool, first time since leaving which was pretty cool.

Theres been hellish bushfires in our state this past month or so, when the wind is a certain direction, we have had scarily thick smoke right across the state, hundreds and thousands of kms from the fires. Visibility here is normally 20-30km or so, but was down to 2km. It was eery. In the towns closeby to the fires, it was like midnight in the middle of the afternoon it was so dark. Creepy... Then a week later they had snow there which helped.. but.. freak weather. Mother natures sooo pissed.

Lots of tragic losses in Australia this year, all in the last few months as well, Steve Irwin - that was heartbreaking. He was such a big character, and did so much for wildlife and conservation, kids LOVED him. It was sad, with 2 young kids, a devoted wife... just awful. Sure, sometimes I cringed at his larrikin behaviour, and wondered if he was for real but what a guy, what a loss.

Also, Peter Brock, a racing legend, just a few weeks later, and Colin Thiele, author of Storm Boy. Then Belinda Emmett, who fought cancer for so long, leaving behind her husband, Rove. Their love was so beautiful and obvious, and so precious and untouchable... so tragic. All losses that made me hold my husband and son a little longer, and tell them a little more often that I love them, life is truly too short.

So, what of 2007? I am determined to hunt my creativity gene down, starting with attempts at writing through my masters. My darling boy starts preschool 3 mornings a week, I am trying desperately not to think about it at the moment. I am going to miss him like crazy, I thought i had another year at home with him before this, but montessori starts this early. Hes sooo ready, he loved his 2hour a week sessions he did at the end of 2006. So that will be an adjustment - for me!
What else? I don't know, but I feel good about it, I feel like things are turning our way, and that good things are ahead. I hope so!

Happy New Year!