Last night, J and I decided what we wanted to do with our remaining frosty babe. When we had the IVF cycle for RJ, we had a lower grade embryo frozen at the same time. 3 years on this month from falling pregnant, we have made a decision on what to do with that embryo. Neither of us want more children, I know that I am done, but finalising that decision was surprisingly painful. I was not expecting that. This decision was what I knew it would be. So it surprised me that I felt sad. Closing a definite door on more children is a difficult decision for most women, I think. Infertile or otherwise.
I guess too, when you've lived in the infertility world for so many years, and fought a vicious battle to get the children you have, it seems terrifying to let a possibility go. I cannot bring myself to donate the embryo to another couple. It would be a full blooded sibling to my two, and I'd find that really difficult. In all honesty, I'd be surprised if it survives thaw anyway, let alone takes when transferred. I don't want to throw it away, though, either. J and I decided we would donate it to science. In this way, I feel I am still helping couples facing infertility. Still making a difference, albeit a tiny one.
No more babies. Deep down, I am okay with this, but it still caused some grief, I still cried last night. Today, I'll make the phone call and set it in motion. What a strange feeling it is. I'm so grateful to science for enabling me to have RJ, I hope this gives something back.
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
I'm so excited...
Thursday, December 20, 2007
...and I just can't hide it!
I got approved into the research unit of my choice for next year! Hurrah! There are pretty strict entry requirements in that you need a Distinction average and formal approval and it took a while to hear back from the unit chair, but eventually I did indeed get approval and my enrolment forms into the Master of Arts (Writing & Literature) are being processed as I type. So exciting!
What this means is 20,000 words, as I chose to do one enormous unit, rather than split it over a year or do smaller ones. So its a challenge, thats for sure. 16,000 words of creative and 4000 critical. It will involved a great deal of discipline to make sure I write often and a lot, not leave it all til late. In fact, I already have an idea that I love, and am beginning to research it thoroughly.
Its a bonus that I have the summer before I officially start to play around with it and see if it develops okay before I commit to it as my idea/proposal. the idea is complicated, but has a lot of potential.
So right now, its back to researching 18th century England (one of a few time periods I need to look at!) Shine ya shoes, guv'ner?
I got approved into the research unit of my choice for next year! Hurrah! There are pretty strict entry requirements in that you need a Distinction average and formal approval and it took a while to hear back from the unit chair, but eventually I did indeed get approval and my enrolment forms into the Master of Arts (Writing & Literature) are being processed as I type. So exciting!
What this means is 20,000 words, as I chose to do one enormous unit, rather than split it over a year or do smaller ones. So its a challenge, thats for sure. 16,000 words of creative and 4000 critical. It will involved a great deal of discipline to make sure I write often and a lot, not leave it all til late. In fact, I already have an idea that I love, and am beginning to research it thoroughly.
Its a bonus that I have the summer before I officially start to play around with it and see if it develops okay before I commit to it as my idea/proposal. the idea is complicated, but has a lot of potential.
So right now, its back to researching 18th century England (one of a few time periods I need to look at!) Shine ya shoes, guv'ner?
Its all over. For now.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
And I am a postgrad! I have finished uni for the year and expect to pass the final assignments without too much stress, and so have satisfied the requirements for the Grad Dip of Literature. Hurrah!!
So when results come out they will process my articulation into the masters with the full advanced standing and I will have just 4 units to complete. I want to do them all in one in a research unit. That will require writing a 20,000 ish word fiction piece and a 4000 word exegesis. I can do that twice over on infertility with the interviews, diaries, and information I already have. But I feel like I should take the opportunity to challenge myself while I have support to do so.
Problem is, what to write about!? I am vaguely inspired, but also sort of not completely so. I have a few ideas, but nothing that is begging me to write. I just don't know what to attempt. I have to submit a proposal soonish to get into the research project, so I need to work it out NOW. I also need a Distinction average across 2 units, so waiting for my Fic B mark with baited breath!
Also, the unit chair that I enrol through, seems to be pushing me toward doing half semester 1 and half semester 2, but I want to do it ALL semester one (also an option); because if the IVF works, any of them; I could be pregnant and with a small babe semester 2! And if it doesn't work, then we could be onto cycle 3 or 4 of IVF and finding it increasingly difficult to cope with. Will see what happens when the prospective supervisor returns and it begins to take shape some more. I will put my case to them then.
I have loved this years study, it has flown. I have learned an enormous amount, and my writing has improved far beyond what I expected. Its been fantastic, I wish that I could keep going with it. The research will be good though. Anyone got some inspiration for me?!
So when results come out they will process my articulation into the masters with the full advanced standing and I will have just 4 units to complete. I want to do them all in one in a research unit. That will require writing a 20,000 ish word fiction piece and a 4000 word exegesis. I can do that twice over on infertility with the interviews, diaries, and information I already have. But I feel like I should take the opportunity to challenge myself while I have support to do so.
Problem is, what to write about!? I am vaguely inspired, but also sort of not completely so. I have a few ideas, but nothing that is begging me to write. I just don't know what to attempt. I have to submit a proposal soonish to get into the research project, so I need to work it out NOW. I also need a Distinction average across 2 units, so waiting for my Fic B mark with baited breath!
Also, the unit chair that I enrol through, seems to be pushing me toward doing half semester 1 and half semester 2, but I want to do it ALL semester one (also an option); because if the IVF works, any of them; I could be pregnant and with a small babe semester 2! And if it doesn't work, then we could be onto cycle 3 or 4 of IVF and finding it increasingly difficult to cope with. Will see what happens when the prospective supervisor returns and it begins to take shape some more. I will put my case to them then.
I have loved this years study, it has flown. I have learned an enormous amount, and my writing has improved far beyond what I expected. Its been fantastic, I wish that I could keep going with it. The research will be good though. Anyone got some inspiration for me?!
So anyway...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Resuming normal transmission...
I really should be taking this uni free time to do some writing and yet I have not done a word in a week. I have lost all faith in myself. Why is it so? I always seem to have other stuff to do when the boy is at school and its so hard when he is home. Also, I seem to be dithering. Finish the pile of shite that is my longest (so closest to finished) manuscript; or just start a new one? Tell me what to do, I don't know. My brain hurts.
The new one that I have in mind will need a lot of research so actually, I should research it AND write the other. Yes. I think that makes most sense. Research I can generally do in dribs and drabs when Finn is home too, and save the alone time for writing.
Goodo. Thanks for sorting that for me.
I really should be taking this uni free time to do some writing and yet I have not done a word in a week. I have lost all faith in myself. Why is it so? I always seem to have other stuff to do when the boy is at school and its so hard when he is home. Also, I seem to be dithering. Finish the pile of shite that is my longest (so closest to finished) manuscript; or just start a new one? Tell me what to do, I don't know. My brain hurts.
The new one that I have in mind will need a lot of research so actually, I should research it AND write the other. Yes. I think that makes most sense. Research I can generally do in dribs and drabs when Finn is home too, and save the alone time for writing.
Goodo. Thanks for sorting that for me.
