Mothers Day

I was sulking today about the crap day I had had for mothers day. I was still finding blessings in my 2 beautiful children, the fight I had to get them, and the appreciation I have for them - but I still felt a bit off side.

Then an out of the blue message on facebook from a dear friend, who told me that she had run in todays Mothers Day Classic, in honor of my Mum. It's a fundraiser for breast cancer research, and, as you know, My mum battled, fought and won a supreme victory over breast cancer in 2009.

It hit me hard. I have my mum still. I could easily not have. I am so, so, very lucky. So I wrote this for her, immediately after. Happy Mothers Day, Mum xx

It's moments out of nowhere...

Sometimes, I havent thought about it for months.

Then, like a punch to the stomach - I am winded by reminders.

And I remember, how incredibly lucky I am.

This mothers day, I don't care what I miss out on.

This mothers day, I don't care how bad the weather is.

This mothers day, I am just so incredibly grateful,

That I can still celebrate you, my mother.

Thank you, for being my best friend.

I know that I can tell you anything. 

Even when we disagree, we care.

Thank you, for loving me so honestly.

Thank you, for emailing me every morning.

Even when, we have nothing much to say.

Thank you, for doing all you do for me.

Often, I don't even have to ask. 

You are the most important and valuable person,

in my life. Every single day.

I am so incredibly grateful you are my mother.

We're alike in so many ways.

Thank you for being my role model.

This sounds a funny thing to say - But thank you, for beating cancer.

I appreciate you. Entirely.

The mother you are, the friend you are, the person you are.

Happy Mothers Day.

Love Kell xxx

My Mum

Do you ever have moments - morbid ones - where you think... What the hell am I going to do if/when I lose my Mum? Or is that just me being morbid? (almost certainly).

Thing is, my Mum is a best friend. I tell her everything. Literally everything. Even the TMI stuff. She 'gets me' in a way that no one else on earth gets me. I can be all kinds of versions of myself with her and she accepts them all, good, bad, ugly, beautiful and loves me anyway. No matter what evil I have done.

This is not a given for any mother. Some mothers do not deserve their title. Some mothers don't know their children at all, let alone how their brains tick. Some are abusive. Some are just awful. My Mum never really had a good mother herself. She didn't learn from a role model how to be a good Mum. She made it up as she went along. And she did it brilliantly. People often tell me I am a good Mum and they admire my parenting. It's credit to her. I had that good model.

She knows how to handle me when I am anxious, when I am sad, when I am happy. And when I am sick or sad, I still, even at 33, think to myself... "I want my Mum" :( I remember feeling that way at 8, in the sick bay at school, and I'd hear the familiar jingle of her keys and see her familiar shoes pass by the window with its blind half down and I'd feel this enormous sense of "ahhh it'll be okay now."

I remember walking around in her hot pink high heels that I just LOVED, when I was around the same age, and hoping that some day, I'd be a mother as good as her. I've not managed it yet, but there's still time.

Every bedtime, she would always leave the room saying quietly, "Mummy loves..." I now say the same thing to my own babes each night. It feels special. She and RJ share their middle name, it's a little honour, but it never feels enough. What could?!

I'm not sure how I'd ever get by without her. I love you, Mum!