I know all of you who know me, read the title of this post and thought... "INNER bitch? Maybe.. all bitch?!" And I know that most of you - and all of those who truly know me, will be saying it with a wicked grin of appreciation, and no spite. Because I am feisty. I am passionate. I am a bit of a bitch sometimes. I'm also a very sensitive and easily hurt soul, I just try to pretend otherwise.
But this is not about me the bitch. This is about my inner bitch. My inner mean girl. I didn't coin the term, and I had never given thought to giving my negative thoughts a tangible persona. My lovely counsellor and coach, Julie from Beautiful You, taught me this term yesterday and it made a huge impact.
Your inner mean girl is the one whispering all those awful thoughts. "You're not worth it." "This is because you're a crappy person you know..." "You should be freaking out, this is your fault..." She's awful. And you know me - I don't take shit from bitches, so why am I taking it from one inside my head?! I can shut her down!
The thing is, that for me, her messages and her whisperings about my lack of worth, my fear of rejection, my need for control... They've become my norm. I follow her without questioning if she's actually right. I am on autopilot and I make assumptions about things based on what she has told me. This inner mean girl. She has become a habit for me, and it's time I started becoming more aware of my thoughts and checking to see if what she's saying has merit. I bet I find that almost always, it will not.
My need to control my life is to take away as many opportunities for rejection as possible. Makes sense. if I am controlling things, then no one can hurt me, right? Wrong. It's all an illusion. I still get hurt, sometimes moreso because I have invested myself into things more than I should because of the need to control and do all I can about something or someone. If people don't like me, they don't like me. I can't change it. And what's more, why should I?
It's not something that makes ME lacking. It's not even in my control what others think or believe - of me, of a situation, of anything.
What say you? Do you have an inner mean girl? What does she look like? I see mine as that perfect model type in high school that always made me feel inferior. Not a real person I went to school with, but a representation of that type. The It girl. The popular girl. The mean, bitch. I visualise her saying these things in my ear and I shut her down. She doesn't know me. Almost always I can then search for the truth, for what feels authentic in that situation. What's rational. And it's not what she tells me.
How do you handle your inner mean girl?
2 comments:
I handle my inner bitch by shoving her mouth full of food.......which does not help because she soon starts running it again.
My need to control my life is to take away as many opportunities for rejection as possible. Makes sense. if I am controlling things, then no one can hurt me, right? Wrong. It's all an illusion. I still get hurt, sometimes moreso because I have invested myself into things more than I should because of the need to control and do all I can about something or someone.
^^^^^That speaks so much truth^^^^ I am sure thats why I get hurt, because I overinvest myself in something that prolly doesn't require so much investment in an attempt to have control.....
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